By: Dick Shipley
Even for the most erudite of Southern gentlemen, most men have experienced that uncomfortable situation of being invited to an event and not feeling confident in their selection of proper attire. Unless you’ve been in the clothing business for thirty years (like myself), these feelings are commonly felt among those of the male gender. Those occasions are most notably, weddings and New Year’s parties. Let’s focus this on the former, and for the cooler months.
Your options for any wedding will fall under but a few categories of dress; descending in order of formality: White Tie, Black Tie, Black Tie Optional, Semi-Formal/Cocktail, Dressy Casual, and Casual/Daytime Dress. Sound distressing? Take heart – it’s actually pretty straightforward, with just a few guidelines and tips that will relieve your stress level and ensure a fun event. Even in the most specific requests, there are many opportunities to show off your personal style. Like always, it’s not just what you wear, but how you wear it.
When your invitation dictates White Tie, just think of Fred Astaire in the movie Top Hat. Okay, an obscure reference for anyone under forty. Simply stated, White Tie is formal of the highest order: It means exactly that, and there is little room for interpretation – which can be wonderfully easy for a lot of men! It requires a full black dinner-suit (commonly referred to as a tuxedo) with tails; and accessorized all in white – from wing-collared dress shirt and bow tie, to waistcoat (vest) and pocket square (silk or linen). Your shoes should only be black patent leather. This spirit of dress is what inspired me to name my Boston Louie’s clothing business after my Boston Terrier. Can you jazz it up with an aforementioned top hat, and a white carnation? Sure, but as in all categories of attire, follow this one cardinal rule of wedding dress: Never upstage the groom!
Black Tie gives you a little more license for personal style. As, while it still requires a dinner-suit, you have much greater latitude on the accouterments. Note: While I adhere to traditional dress codes, traditions evolve too. What was “over the top” twenty years ago is an option today. To be clear, a tuxedo is a dinner jacket consisting of either a satin or grosgrain lapel, with matching trousers that have a stripe down the out seam of the leg, of matching fabric to the lapel. In today’s sartorial environment, you can typically choose between a black or midnight-blue (hello, millennials) colored tuxedo; and the style of suit coat thereof can have either a standard notch-lapel, peak lapel (single or double-breasted), or a shawl-collar. The shirt should still be a white formal variety. Although, again, in today’s world, black may be acceptable, requiring front studs and cuff-links. The bow tie (preferred) should be a self-tied black satin. If you do opt for a necktie over the bow, however, you must stay with black, regardless of the shirt. Your accessories should include a black cummerbund or waistcoat, true to classic elegance. A non-black matching tie and cummerbund set (burgundy or silver, neat or woven), may be appropriate, but is to be donned with caution. The shoes still need to be black, but they can be patent leather or a suede. Just because you saw Dolph at the Oscar’s wearing a black shirt, red necktie, and sneakers with his tuxedo doesn’t make it right.
“Black Tie gives you a little more license for personal style.”
Here again, I will forewarn: Interpretation can lead to trickiness. Keep in mind that anytime it is specified White or Black Tie, your host is requesting conformity (if not uniformity) for their event. Consider the occasion, and the spirit of your invitation. When in doubt, stay more traditional!
Just one rung down the formality ladder is Black Tie Optional. All of the same rules for Black Tie still apply; alas, there is just a little more you can get away with, as well as not feeling out of place if you don’t own a tuxedo. A dark suit, preferably black, solid navy, or dark charcoal, will suffice in place of said formal wear, but it needs to be “formalized” with a classy, neat cravat. Also, here is where the dapper dresser gets to spread his wings. He can flaunt that classic dinner suit (because he owns one), along with more style expressed in the tie, cummerbund, etc. You can have fun with colors, reds or silver, typically - not lime or purple; not to mention patterns such as paisleys, stripes, and foulards; and woven textures to bring those qualities together in a rich, classic look.(Tip: A fancy dinner jacket is not only a great option here, as long as it is not too flashy for the wedding atmosphere; but is a must-have in the wardrobe of that “man-about-town,” since he can give the trousers with his current dinner suit double-duty.
The categories of Semi-Formal and Cocktail attire are very similar, and, again, a great place for comfort level and style to meet. Basically, Semi-Formal means suit, but no tuxedo. Color wise, use the hat-holder attached to your neck. In cooler months, keep it dark. In warmer months you can lighten it up. While the dinner jacket (a little more fun here) can be worn for both S-F and Cocktail, reserve the use of a sport coat or blazer for Cocktail attire only, where you are also in-line with or without a tie. Also, while you may find “that guy” wearing a silk t-shirt with a suit or sport coat – and it may be okay in some settings – please quickly bury the thought of it at a wedding. Unless…
Your host has designated the wedding as Dressy Casual, which is probably a daytime affair. You are also probably on the higher level of dress here wearing a blazer or sport coat, but I recommend it. You may opt for a tie (a little whimsy here is apropos); however, it is not required, and may even be urged against. What is NOT okay are even the nicest of shorts or open-toe shoes.
Finally, there is Casual/Daytime Dress. In this setting, you can crawl across the finish line with nice knit shirt and trousers or khakis, no shorts. Can you wear non-ripped jeans? Yes, but please consider this one piece of advice your mama gave you: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. You are a Southern Gentleman, for goodness sakes…wear a jacket! If the groom is more casual than that, they probably didn’t send out invitations, anyway.
Like I’ve told my kids and clients, for years, unless you’re going to a church picnic on a Sunday afternoon, you really can’t be overdressed – within reason. Every Southern Gentleman should have a tuxedo in their wardrobe. But if you have a question, give me a call. Now, same as ever: Look your best, and feel your best. If you follow these guidelines, you can accept the challenge, go to the next wedding, and have a great time.
